I find it funny that when you are pregnant people feel they can say whatever they want to you, without consequence. Pregnant women have feelings too... and maybe even more sensitive feelings (due to raging hormones). I get emotional and depressed when the comments about how big I am start coming- you know the ones where people argue with you that you are for sure having twins even after you assure them there is only one in there, or "wow you look like you are ready to POP" when you still have 3 months to go. But, the comments I have gotten this pregnancy just take the cake..
Last week, a lady approached me at the grocery store when I had both Avery and Finley in the cart. She asked me "what's this one?" (pointing to my obviously pregnant belly). I said cheerfully, "another girl." To which her response was... "that's too bad. I guess you will just have to try again!"
.
SERIOUSLY?!
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Just today the mail man came to our door to get a signature on a package. When I opened the door he saw the girls at my knees and remarked at how cute they are and how big they were getting. Then he noticed my belly and before he could say anything... I said, "and we have another little girl on the way." (again- cheerfully stated). He then said, "I am so sorry."
ME: Why?! We love our girls.
MAILMAN: Oh, of course. But having a 3rd girl... you're ok with that?
ME: Of course we are! We are thrilled!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Before we found out we were having a girl, people would make comments about how we must obviously be hoping for a boy this time, or "wouldn't that be sad if you had another girl. "Paul won't be ok having another girl...." WHAT?! Yes, as a matter of fact he will be happy- he LOVES his girls. Secondly, there is nothing I can do to control or change what Heavenly Father sees fit to send us, so WHY I ask myself would anyone say those things?! Now that we do know, I am getting comments about how sorry people are that I am having a 3rd girl. It just make me angry and defensive. Girls are NOT second class citizens or any less desirable than boys... at least not in my book, but I have been noticing that it must be a common opinion out there. It seems to be the consensus that our family could not possibly be complete without a boy. We may or may not have another baby after this one, but the fact that we have 3 girls and 0 boys will not play into that decision. Plus, if I do say so myself, we make pretty cute girls, so why mess with a good thing (that is one of my latest comebacks for the RUDE commentary I have received. No one has been able argue when they see two of them sitting there).
I am just so glad that Avery and Finley are little enough still that they do not "get it" when these kinds of comments are made in front of them. I NEVER want them to feel like they were anything less than absolutely desired as part of our family- as a FIRST choice. I LOVE having girls. I feel completely blessed by these precious little spirits my Heavenly Father has entrusted in our care. Though, I must say, I AM a little afraid of what we are in for when they are all in their teenage years... other than that, I am thrilled! I would of course welcome a baby boy into our family with joy, and I would love for Paul to be able to share father/son things with a little boy, but if Heavenly Father chooses to send us ALL girls, I am ok with that and I know Paul is too. There was a time that I didn't think I would be able to have any children, so for us each one of these little girls is a miracle and blessing beyond measure. If I had all boys, I would feel the same way. I am just grateful to have children, period.
I wish I could say that the commentary will die down after baby girl #3 is here, but I am sure I will continue to get comments when I take all 3 girls to the grocery store, or anywhere for that matter. I will just continue to grin, bear it, and work on arming myself with a few more comebacks.
21 comments:
I'm sorry you're getting that from people! That's totally uncalled for! Of course people have a tendency to stick their noses in where they don't belong.
When we had Karina I was surprised by how many people approached me saying, well, isn't it nice you can be done now? Since you have a boy and a girl you're done right? What!?! Why would they even think that? Like it was any of their business in the first place. I wanted to punch them in the face.
So I know how you feel. Hang in there. And you DO make absolutely gorgeous girls!! ;)
If it makes you feel any better, people say the same thing about having so many boys....so I don't think it's limited to girls, or that people think they're second class citizens. The comments I get are all about how expensive it will be to feed them as teenagers...you probably get comments on paying for their weddings...people just have to say something. My best comeback is, "yes, aren't we blessed to have such a nice family?" That usually stops people from saying anything more.
I saw you walking down town the other day (I was driving or I would have said Hi, I almost honked though!) and thought how cute you looked. if any women tell you, you look like your about to pop just smile and say, well you look like you have a little one cookin in there and ask them how far along they are?! that'll shut them up!
Oh how I got tired of everyone asking me if I was pregnant with a girl when they saw me with 3 little boys! I would come home and rant to Brennan. But then it didn't stop, after I had her then there was all the "Oh you finally got your girl" comments. I don't think it will end. They're my blessings, and I get to have them, they don't. Enjoy them, they are BEAUTIFUL.
By the way.... you look fabulous!
Hi, I found your blog through a blog through a blog...
I have three girls, plus a baby on the way. I know the comments you're speaking of! It can get very frustrating.
A complete stranger once asked me at the YMCA how I felt when I learned the third was another girl. Turns out she had three boys. So I do believe it goes both ways. But still...why can't people be happy with what they're blessed with.
I think people with all boys get the same comments too. You do make beautiful girls, you are just repopulating the beauty in California.
Sadly, the "no boys?" comments will never end. As one of "only" three sisters, I still get these comments. Growing up, I saw my parents visibly bristle and get mad when people disparaged their girls. So I've never felt like us girls were unwanted to our parents.
Whenever I meet other women who are from a 3-girl family, I always feel a special connection. There's something special about 3 girls.
I would take the girls too! Seriously...people dont think. But thank you for the laugh :)
I think girls are the best! I would have the rest of our kids be girls if I had any control. They are so fun. Don't get me wrong I love my little boy but he is one big handful. We just take what we get and love it right?!
Melissa you are one of the most beautiful women I know!! And every time I have seen you pregnant you show a whole different side of your beauty!! I love you and I love all of my nieces I wouldn't want it any other way! Each one of those girls are amazing children and if someone cant realize how special each child is and what a blessing all children are then they are missing out on a huge part of life! I love you so much!
Thank you for being so strong!
God has blessed you with three amazing girls because he knows what an incredible role model you will be to those girls! I know this because you have been an amazing role model to me!
Love you
TT
Found your site via Jenn (Ambrosia girl) and love it.
I can completely understand. I have two girls and got similar comments when I was pregnant with my second. People always assume we're not done, "you're going to try for a boy right?" Um, no.
I totally know what you mean! But really, the comments don't only come about girls - you get it with only boys, too! My sister-in-law has 5 boys and she got it every time. I have 2 and I'm constantly getting comments about "you better have a girl next!" Of course I would like that, but I'd still love a boy just the same! Hang in there - you look great and your girls sure are adorable!
Yup, never matters what gender you have...you'll always get those types of comments. Eventually you will not care so much about the comments. When we got news of baby boy number 4 I felt a bit sad, but then ended up laughing about it soon after. I think it's human nature to think that all people want to have a variety within their family. Sometimes the comments would hurt because I had wished for a girl, but now could not imagine my family any different. So, just remember people are not trying to hurt you feelers...they just don't think about what they are saying. I had all the boys with me at the grocery story one time and the clerk asked, "no girls?" and i slyly said, "No, this one is a girl" with a smirk on my face. It really caught her off guard. I of course then corrected that statement, but maybe she'll think a bit more before she asks something stupid like that again. Now I just say, nope, no girls and we're done trying. :)
You look amazing! What a cute little baby belly you have! Can't wait for that beautiful baby girl looks like...and you do make them so very adorable!!
Melissa,
Seriously, I think people just feel the overwhelming need to SAY something. I'm sorry they were so rude. People tell me all the time that I should be done now, because I have a boy and a girl. What?! But don't worry a fig about it, your girls are the cutest, and you look fantastic! Oh, and little girls are way more compliant than little boys and they listen better too (at least at this age, I can't tell you about the teenage years!). So, no they aren't second class citizens. I can't wait until we all get to meet your new baby girl!
Love,
Olivia
Word.
It's also silly when people see a family with one boy and one girl, and comment that the family is now "complete."
wow. people can be so rude, if they could only see a replay of themselves being so inconsiderate... or maybe it wouldn't make much difference- it's just sad the way some people view such a wonderful thing. -keely
i'm so glad you found my blog and now I have yours!! Great to from you and great to see you and your beautiful family. I agree with you about the girls -- when I was pregnant with Jackson I would have been just as happy having a 3rd girl -- love my girls!! I do love m boy too :)
I have got a few updates now and then on you and your family from your aunt or Pauls aunt ( i can never remember) that lives up here by us. The ward boundaries changed so I don't see her hardly anymore.
Melissa White!!
This is your old friend from Harrisburg, Holly. You have to be and will always be the most lovely of women on the planet. I would slap one of those humans for their comments...
I have no idea how to e-mail you, so this will have to do! How is you life beyond annoying comments? I think that we are both expecting right around the same time... I am due around May 20th!!
I would love to talk to you, so e-mail me back at hk_wright@hotmail.com!
oh yes, i hated that. i had a woman at work comment about how HUGE i was literally... every single day. and then i told her in a "some-what" polite manner to cool it, and it was fine! and you GOTTA love girls! come on now!
I have four girls and got comments like that with EVERY pregnancy. I'm now pregnant with a boy and am getting comments like "You must be SO happy to finally get a boy" or "So are you done now?" or "Your husband must be SO excited". Um no, he actually wanted another girl and we're happy with the girls we have and yes, we'll be happy with the boy, but I didn't get pregnant again just to get a boy. Ugh. I know they're probably just trying to say something, but there's gotta be something nicer to say than that.
Oh yeah, I am so there with you! We have two girls, and we would like to have another child...whatever God sends will be good for us! We love having girls, and would have a house full of them. But, when people find out we want more kids, they assume we are trying for a boy.
My sweet husband always says that he adores having daddy's girls run to the door when they hear him come home...running and squealing with delight!
congrats on another girl, and I agree, you do make cute girls!
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